How to Strengthen Your Parenting Skills with Parent Coaching: Understanding Problem Behaviors in Kids

Every behavior, even challenging ones, serves a purpose. The function of a behavior is important to understand. Behavior meets a need for the person showing the behavior.  The behavior is motivated by something the person wants to have or to avoid. Understanding the function, or purpose, of a child's problem behavior can be key to knowing how to intervene. Parent coaching can help you develop the skills and strategies needed to address these behaviors effectively and foster a stronger parent-child relationship.

What is Problem Behavior?

Problem behavior is any behavior that is disruptive, harmful, or socially unacceptable. Problem behaviors might include aggression, screaming, off-task behavior, or shutting down. These behaviors typically reflect a child’s way of communicating a need. Children are not usually aware that their behavior is serving a function. Children don’t always have the language skills to say what they need, so we need to decode their behavior. Once we understand the need that is expressed behind a challenging behavior, we are better equipped to support the child. 

Functions of Problem Behavior

There are four main functions of problem behavior. Behaviors may serve more than one function. A given child may show behaviors that concentrate around just one function, or that involve several functions. 

1. Escape

Children often show problem behaviors to avoid something they find unpleasant or stressful. This could be a difficult task, a social situation, or even feelings of anxiety. For instance, a child might be defiant to get out of doing homework. Another might scream, throw things, or become aggressive. The child might learn that they are excused from demands when they show these behaviors.

Over time, the negative behaviors can become habitual whenever the child is faced with a task that feels overwhelming. When a child frequently shows behaviors that show an escape function, it’s a clue that the child needs more support. They might need a task broken into smaller steps. Or, they might need a break from the hard work before finishing. 

2. Attention

Some children act out to get attention from adults or peers. This can be positive attention, like praise or extra help, or negative attention, like scolding or punishment. For example, a child might clown around in class because it’s fun to make peers laugh. Or, a child may be bored and find that certain behaviors guarantee an adult response. Some children learn that when they say something shocking, they get a big reaction from adults. Even if the adult reaction is negative, the child is reinforced with attention and is more likely to repeat the shocking words. 

3. Tangibles

Children may engage in problem behavior to get something that they want, like a toy, food, or privilege. If a child knows that crying or arguing will result in a cookie, they might use that behavior to get what they want. 

A common behavior that falls under this category is “badgering.” When a child badgers a parent, it means that the child persistently and annoyingly asks for something or tries to get the parent's attention. This behavior typically involves repeatedly asking the same question or making the same request. The child does this in a way that feels demanding or nagging to the parent. The child's goal is usually to get what they want, whether it's permission for an activity, a desired object, or attention.

For example, a child might badger a parent by repeatedly asking, "Can I have a cookie?" over and over, even after the parent has said no multiple times. The child might use different tactics like whining, pleading, or even trying to negotiate.

4. Sensory

Some behaviors serve a sensory function. Sensory-seeking behaviors are especially common among neurodivergent individuals, but anyone can show them. Sensory behaviors span a wide range of forms. They can include seeking out certain textures. Repetitive body movements tend to be sensory-related. Sometimes, sensory issues overlap with escape behaviors. In a loud classroom, a child may escape to the quieter hallway in order to feel less stress from a noisy activity. 

How Do We Find Out The Function?

The easiest way to identify the function of problem behavior is to keep a behavior log. Parents or teachers can keep a log of each time a problem behavior occurs. In this log, the time of day and the activity are recorded. A description of the problem behavior is included.

A key part of the log is to note what happened after the problem behavior. It’s the events that happen before and after the behavior that shows us how the behavior may be functioning. Most persistent problem behaviors are followed by an event that reinforces the behavior to occur again and again. For example, a child who wears down their parents by badgering will learn that badgering helps them get what they want. Even if the behavior works one out of ten times, the function is still being reinforced. 

Why Understanding The Function Matters

With the support of a skilled parent coach, adults can begin understanding the function of a child's problem behavior and can respond in a way that addresses the underlying need rather than just the behavior itself. This can ultimately lead to more effective and compassionate strategies for helping children learn appropriate ways to meet their needs.

Strategies for Addressing Problem Behavior

1. Positive Reinforcement

Reinforce good behavior by offering praise, rewards, or privileges when the child behaves appropriately. This encourages the child to repeat the positive behavior.

2. Teach Alternative Behaviors

Help children find appropriate ways to get their needs met. For instance, teach them to ask for a break if they need to escape a stressful situation rather than acting out. It’s usually important to combine this strategy with positive reinforcement. 

3. Consistent Responses and Boundaries

Apply consistent and appropriate consequences for problem behavior. This helps children understand that their actions have predictable outcomes. If necessary, limits are set so that the problem behavior is no longer reinforced. An intentional response may be needed so that a problem behavior no longer “works” for the child.

4. Build Strong Relationships

Developing a trusting relationship with a child can reduce problem behavior. When children feel understood and supported, they might be less likely to act out. For example, students with strong connections to their teachers may be more motivated to communicate in positive ways. 

5. Address Developmental Needs

Many children with problem behaviors have neurodevelopmental issues that need attention. The child may need specific accommodations. Examples of accommodations may include access to visual instructions, noise-canceling headphones, or extra teacher check-ins. Children with communication delays or learning disabilities will likely need specialized intervention to help build lagging skills. As a child builds their skills and receives support that targets their needs, the problem behaviors tend to recede. 

Supporting Growth Through Understanding and Guidance

Understanding the function of a child's problem behavior is crucial for addressing it effectively. By recognizing the reasons behind these actions with help from Child and Teen Solutions, adults can provide the support and guidance children need to develop healthier ways of expressing themselves. This not only helps to resolve problem behaviors but also fosters a positive and supportive environment for growth and learning.

Begin Strengthening Your Parenting Skills With Parent Coaching in Seattle, WA

If you're ready to strengthen your parenting skills and better understand your child's behaviors, parent coaching can provide the guidance you need. Through personalized strategies and support, you can address problem behaviors effectively and create a more harmonious family dynamic. With the support of Child and Teen Solutions, you can start building the tools and confidence to foster a positive and thriving relationship with your child. Follow these three simple steps to get started:

1. Contact us and we will gather information and answer any questions you may have about parent coaching.

2. Our Client Care Coordinator will walk you through the steps for scheduling and preparing for your first appointment with a skilled parent coach.

3. Begin strengthening your parenting skills!

Additional Mental Health Services Provided by Child and Teen Solutions

CATS offers comprehensive support tailored to meet the unique needs of every family member. In addition to helping you strengthen your parenting skills with parent coaching, our specialized services include ADHD, autism/PDA, emotional management, defiance, and anxiety. Additionally, for families with young children, we offer Theraplay, creating a shared experience for parents and children in therapy sessions. If your child or teen would benefit from working one-on-one with a therapist, please explore our child and teen service pages. In some instances, the same therapist providing parent coaching may transition to work directly with your child, or it may be beneficial to assign another CATS specialist to support them individually. For families seeking more insight into a child or teen’s development and learning profile, we also offer neurodevelopmental evaluations. We welcome and affirm all family structures and identities, including LGBTQ+ individuals, in every aspect of our care. Check out our blog for more articles like this!