A Parent Coach’s Single Most Favorite Tip: Keep Your Cool

Just about every parent can recall times when they reached a breaking point.

Perhaps it’s been a stressful day. Or you are exhausted and the kids won’t settle to go to bed. An especially common trigger for parents is when their child hurts a sibling. Parents of children who are defiant, inflexible, or explosive might especially struggle to stay calm. Every parent has a boiling point when the anger comes out. Most parents feel awful when their anger gets the best of them. They might feel ashamed. Nobody wants to yell at their kids. Most parents who “lose it” are feeling helpless and desperate at these moments. Parents need special strategies to manage themselves at these times. In addition to the tips shared in this blog, working with a skilled parent coach through parent coaching in Seattle, WA can help build effective strategies to stay calm and confidently handle these challenging situations.

Parents are Their Children’s Protectors

One of the parents’ main jobs is to protect their children. Protection is a natural instinct that can momentarily get buried when parents get overwhelmed. It’s disorienting for kids when their protectors become a source of fear. When these episodes occur on a regular basis, parent anger may have an impact on a child’s emotional development. Adult anger towards children may affect their evolving sense of self. 

From infancy, a sense of self develops in relationship to the caregiver. Children develop an internal sense of their lovability and emotional security that is based on interactions with their parents. When children experience anger from their parents, they might feel unloved and rejected. We aren’t talking about stern voices and limit setting. Rather, it’s those moments when parents lose control that can be scary for children. We cannot expect children to learn emotion regulation when their parents are dysregulated. 

You might feel concerned as you read this. It’s important to stress that parents do not need to be perfect! And it’s never too late to “course correct” by learning new ways to cope. 

Why Keeping Cool is Hard

Parents are under a lot of stress. Many parents are isolated from family and community support. Parents are managing a lot on their own. Many are balancing work or other family demands with taking care of the children. Setting limits on kids’ access to technology is very difficult. Over my 30 years in this field, I have seen increased child meltdowns and defiance because of challenges around screens. I’ve also noticed that conflicting parenting advice on social media has created confusion. Parents today may feel overwhelmed, lost, and helpless in dealing with challenging behaviors. 

Parenting Strategies To Help You Keep Your Cool

One of the main reasons parents get escalated is because they don’t know what else to do. Yelling often works at the moment. When parents have practiced clear alternatives to yelling, it’s easier to stay calm. A parenting therapist can assist with building road maps for behavior challenges. For example, these protocols might involve learning how to “scaffold” the child to have more success with transitioning away from the screen. Or, you might gain clarity about what to do and not to do when your child explodes at you. For bedtime problems, there are many great strategies to reduce struggles. Treatment of emotion dysregulation involves a multilayered approach. Most families who use these tools will see improvements. Even parents who feel “we’ve already tried everything and nothing works” can in fact find new strategies that work. 

It’s not enough to learn strategies in therapy or a parenting class. To have the most success, parents need to troubleshoot ahead of time. Rehearsing and role playing with a therapist can be really helpful. This practice will help parents feel confident that they can try out new ways. 

Self-Calming Strategies to Keep Cool

Parents can decide that keeping their cool is more important than anything else. By making this decision, parents will need to let go of other priorities. This might mean accepting that sometimes their child will be late for school. Have a job where you cannot be late? Be sure to build in extra time buffers to get the kids out of the house. I mention this one specifically because this is a juncture when parents often lose it. Running late is very stressful. 

Parents may also need to let go of what their child does. We cannot control other people. We cannot make children sleep. We cannot make children brush their hair. We should not make children eat something they don’t want to eat. This list goes on. At the same time, it’s a problem if children scream at their parents to get out of doing something. And of course, children need to brush their teeth, go to school, not hit their siblings, etc. That’s why working with a parenting therapist can be so important. There are effective ways to help kids learn to be more cooperative over the longer term. But there is a serious cost to short-term wins when parents yell.  

Parents usually have the option to stop and remove themself from an escalating situation. This can be a crucial step in preventing parent dysregulation. A parenting therapist can teach parents how to think in new ways so that they are less likely to lose their cool. Parents can learn specific methods to reduce physical tension in the moment. Parents not only keep calm but also model coping and self-regulation. This is powerful for kids to witness!

Parent Coaching at Child and Teen Solutions

At Child and Teen Solutions, we have a team of skilled psychologists and parent coaches who work with parents. We help parents build their competence and confidence in handling a broad range of challenges. Parenting work can help to improve your child's emotional dysregulation, irritability, defiance, and anxiety. You can learn more about our parent coaching services or reach out today to get started now. 

Stay Calm and Confident with Parent Coaching in Seattle, WA

Parenting can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. With parent coaching in Seattle, WA at Child and Teen Solutions, our expert parent coaches help you develop practical strategies to stay calm and effectively manage challenging moments. Reach out today to build the skills and confidence you need to support your child with compassion and consistency. Follow these three simple steps to get started:

1. Contact us and we will gather information and answer any questions you may have about parent coaching.

2. Our Client Care Coordinator will walk you through the steps for scheduling and preparing for your first appointment with a skilled parent coach.

3. Begin finding the confidence you need to support your child!

Additional Online Mental Health Services Provided by Child and Teen Solutions

At Child and Teen Solutions, we offer tailored support designed to meet the unique needs of each family. Our parent coaching equips you with practical skills to confidently support your child through challenges. We specialize in addressing ADHD, autism/PDA, emotional regulation, and anxiety. For families with younger children, we provide Theraplay to strengthen emotional bonds through interactive, play-based therapy. If your child or teen needs individual support, we offer specialized therapy services. Depending on your family’s needs, the same therapist may provide both parent coaching and therapy for your child, or we’ll connect you with another expert from our team. We also offer neurodevelopmental evaluations to help you gain deeper insight into your child’s strengths and areas for growth. Our practice is dedicated to inclusivity, proudly supporting all family structures and LGBTQ+ identities. For more parenting tips and insights, explore our blog!