Coping With Stay-At-Home
Our children are facing unprecedented circumstances during the pandemic. They are isolated from friends and removed from the activities that they rely on for a sense of reward and mastery. Children and teens are mourning the loss of athletic seasons, social connection, school experiences, and milestone events. Some are directly coping with COVID-19 in themselves or their loved ones. Families are stressed by the uncertainty posed by the virus, the challenges of working from home, and the economic impact of the pandemic.
How can we guide our children to navigate these challenging times? By turning to the literature on resilience, we find concepts to steer our efforts. Resilience is defined as the ability to cope with adversity and recover from setbacks. Resilience is the ability to rise above difficult circumstances and to grow in ways that an easy path might not promote.
Resilience is a concept that was developed out of the realization that people vary in their response to adverse and traumatic events. There is a fascinating literature based on individuals who have faced stressful and traumatic experiences. Prisoners of war, first responders, and survivors of natural disasters are among those that have demonstrated resilience. Researchers have identified numerous factors shown by individuals who, despite having endured horrific events, emerge as well adapted.
One of the most important qualities of resilient people is flexibility. The ability to think flexibly is fundamental to coping well. Thinking flexibly involves the ability to view things in a variety of ways.
Gratitude is one such expression of thinking flexibly. There is evidence that expressions of gratitude can calm the amygdala, which is the center in our brain that sets off alarm signals. For some, gratitude might be expressed as an appreciation for an unexpected silver lining (such as receiving the kindness of others, a deepened sense of interpersonal connection, or experiencing a higher purpose) that developed out of challenging conditions. Gratitude can also take the form of savoring awareness of basic comforts that we might otherwise take for granted, as well as recognizing the contributions of others.
Steps that we can take right now to foster the practice of gratitude include:
Create a Gratitude Box in the household, where family members can jot down thoughts to be shared at the end of the week.
Write letters of gratitude to others and read the letter aloud to the recipient.
Be creative! Keep a gratitude journal, or create collages, drawings, or paintings that represent gratitude.
Reflect on how the current pandemic is situated in history - how is this the same or different from other hardships that humans have endured? Are there ways to extract gratitude in contemplating these comparisons?
The next post will cover how to encourage optimism in your child.
Recommended books for further reading:
Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges, by Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney
Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness, by Rick Hanson.
A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings, by Kenneth Ginsberg
Raising Happiness, by Christine Carter
