Behavior Tools 101: Two common myths

We are inundated with advice from the popular press and parenting literature.  Most parents that I work with feel overwhelmed by the vast and conflicting information that they encounter.  While there is an incredible amount of valuable material, it’s hard for parents to know what is backed by research and what is appropriate for the challenges posed by their specific child. 

Many of us resort to reasoning, moralizing, and explaining to our children how to behave.  We think, “if I can only get through to my child,” then the problem behavior will change.  The reality is that explanations lead to behavior change in only a minority of situations. 

Unfortunately, two of the most powerful behavior change tools – rewards and time-outs – have been undermined by misunderstandings in the media. 

Myth:  Rewards undermine children’s motivation to do well for their own sake.

Fact:  Rewards are a component of most evidence-based interventions for both disruptive behavior and anxiety in children.  Whether we like it or not, we all behave according to contingencies.  In other words, most behavior is governed by the outcome that it causes.  Would you open the refrigerator if it was always empty?  Would you go to work if you didn’t get paid?  Could you train your dog to shake hands without treats or praise? 

Background:  Early research dating back to the 70’s documented that rewards interfere with intrinsic motivation.  Intrinsic motivation refers to a desire to do something because the activity, in and of itself, is rewarding.  The early research has infiltrated the popular press, as well as textbooks in psychology and education – leading to the widespread belief that rewards are harmful.  However, more contemporary studies have contradicted earlier findings.  Rewarding a person for an activity may, in fact, increase that person’s enjoyment of the activity even after the reward is withdrawn. 

Myth:  Time-outs hurt a child’s attachment relationship.    

Fact:  In contrast to causing harm, time-outs can prevent some of the more toxic parental responses that emerge out of a parent’s sense of helplessness and desperation when a child misbehaves.  Time-outs can be helpful in giving parents a sense of confidence in responding to their child’s challenging behaviors.  In fact, a recent (2019) review article in psychology’s most prominent research journal pointed out that time-out is one of the most significant contributions in the field of clinical psychology. 

Background:  Time-out as a discipline technique has been given a bad rap in the popular media since 2014, after a famous psychiatrist was misquoted as claiming that the effects of time-out are akin to physical abuse.  This psychiatrist has since clarified his stance as supporting the appropriate, non-punitive time-out protocols. 

Guidelines for how to use rewards and time-outs are complex and not readily available to most parents.  Upcoming posts will provide a few tips for effectively leveraging these powerful strategies.