9 Tips for Screen Time Limits
Even though you gave plenty of warning, your child had a meltdown when you said it’s time to put down the device. In some households, this is a daily ordeal. Emotionally intense children may scream, tantrum, or strike out when it's time to power down. Some kids accompany these displays with colorful profanity and threats. The worst episodes involve a literal tug of war with the device. With the possibility of on-demand and endless access to entertainment, many children struggle with transitioning off their devices.
Here are nine practical tips to help:
1. Set screen time limits on the child’s device. For example, on Apple devices, parents can easily set up the hours (from their own device) during which their child’s devices are active. Parents can also specify time limits for each app that their child uses. It’s best for parents to be completely transparent with their children about what these limits look like and under what conditions a child can expect to have extra screen minutes.
2. Make limits crystal clear and predictable. Most kids struggle when they don’t know what the limits will be from one day to the next. For children prone to extreme frustration, let them know exactly what they can expect. It’s best to have consistency across each day, although it’s okay if the rules look different on the weekends as long as they are consistent and communicated ahead of time.
3. Use punishment sparingly. It’s tempting to say, “no screen/ phone/ TV for a week!” Parents may think that children will learn from this and do better next time. Punishment, however, doesn’t usually work that way. Kids who feel unfairly or harshly punished end up resenting their parents. They may feel that they have nothing to lose and therefore act out even more - leading parents to escalate punishments. It becomes a vicious cycle. Also, parents who pronounce a loss of screens for a week rarely follow through.
4. Keep consequences mild, predictable, and reasonable. Children are more likely to accept consequences that they view as mild, predictable, and reasonable. This means that kids should know exactly what conditions will lead to a loss of screen privileges. In general, the loss should not extend beyond 24 hours - and even that can backfire. Many kids do better if parents use the “when-then paradigm” when revoking screen time. Depending on the child’s age, effective consequences for misbehavior might involve a brief time-out or “job card” (chore). If a child refuses the consequence, parents can say: “As soon as you do your [time-out/ job], then you can have screen access again. Until then, there are no screens.” Remember – it’s crucial that your child knows ahead of time what behaviors will result in a time-out or job card. Time-outs and job cards are rich topics that I will cover in future articles.
5. Communicate what’s expected when screen time is over. Some kids do well with a reward system for turning off the screen without a fuss (perhaps earning extra screen minutes later if they cooperate). If a child lashes out when screen time is up, it might be a good idea to have a consequence. Children will learn to regulate themselves better if they understand that arguing will only lead to a temporary hold on their screen privileges. Parents might consider reducing screen time (a mild and predictable sanction) the next day as a response to their child screaming when told to put the device away. Alternatively, parents might use the “when-then paradigm” described above. It’s important that children see screens as a privilege, not a right, and that they are expected to behave appropriately in response to the rules.
6. Avoid wresting a device out of a child’s hands. For children prone to meltdowns, this will almost surely lead to an epic ordeal. Most of the worst escalations that we hear about happen in response to a tug-of-war with a device. If screen time limits have been set using parental controls, then there is little need to take possession of the device itself. Some kids still might tantrum, but it may be easier for parents to disengage if they aren’t in close range.
7. Avoid morning screen access. Many children have an uncanny ability to wake themselves up in anticipation of screen, curtailing much needed sleep. Children may become so immersed in their device that they stall eating breakfast, leading to a blood sugar crash and meltdown. Morning screen access can interfere with leaving the house on time. Some families, though, find that morning screen time works well as an incentive for getting ready, where the child is allowed brief access before leaving the house. This works only for children who can manage this quick transition off the screen when it’s time to go.
8. Have clear protocols for children who opt out of family outings (or avoid school). It’s not uncommon for children to decline invitations for day-to-day activities (e.g., “come walk the dog with us”) because they would rather play Roblox. Reflect on what the child might be learning if allowed to stay home, tethered to a device. Some problems are more serious than a missed dog walk and call for drastic action. For children who refuse school, intervention might involve blocking internet access during school hours. Some teens end up with a sleep disorder where they stay up all night gaming and then sleep in the day. The situation is unlikely to improve so long while they maintain internet access. It’s best to enlist the help of a professional in cases of school refusal or day-night sleep reversal.
9. Keep kids busy. This is my favorite tip. Most young people benefit from having activities outside of the home. So long as they are at a sports field, dance studio, martial arts venue, theater, or robotics club, they are not on their devices or battling their parents for more screen time.
Have you encountered screen challenges that these tips don’t address? Do you have a tip that you’ve discovered? We’d love to hear about it! Contact us at:
screenlimits@childandteensolutions.com
